Question Asked By Clients
Question 1
I'm concerned about my husband's lack of commitment to the five daily prayers and Tarawih during Ramadan. We often have intimate relations at night after Isha' prayer and plan to bathe after Fajr enters, but he frequently oversleeps and misses Fajr prayer. Additionally, he sometimes stays up late using the computer and wakes me up for intimacy, which can be annoying, especially when he's not willing to fulfill my desires when he's tired. How can I encourage him to become a better Muslim?
Answer 1
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and those who follow them.
Dear Sister,
Thank you for sharing your concerns, which are indeed important.
Alhamdulillah, it's positive that your husband is observing the Ramadan fast. This is a good starting point.
Regarding his lack of commitment to prayer, it's essential to address this issue with wisdom and tact. Considering the overall situation, it's possible that your husband is experiencing spiritual depression and unhappiness in his life, leading him to seek distractions. To help him, you need to understand the root cause of his behavior.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Express your concerns with love: Share your feelings with your husband in a non-judgmental and loving manner. Encourage him to take one day to focus on prayer, spend quality time with you, and avoid computer use.
2. Help him find meaning in prayer: Explain to your husband that prayer is not a burden, but rather a release from life's challenges. Encourage him to take that first step towards Allah, and Allah will respond positively.
3. Foster intimacy and connection: Encourage your husband to prioritize intimacy and connection with you, rather than just focusing on his physical needs. This can help him develop a deeper understanding of his responsibilities as a husband.
4. Encourage self-reflection: Help your husband recognize the value of time and how it can be utilized positively. Encourage him to reflect on his life, priorities, and responsibilities.
May Allah guide your husband towards a path of obedience and bring barakah to your marriage.
Question 2
Assalamu alaykum,
I'm struggling with my husband's lack of commitment to his faith. He's not fasting this year, citing work as an excuse, and even on holidays, he refuses to fast, saying it will disrupt his routine. He's also irregular with his prayers, only praying on Fridays, and sometimes consumes non-halal food. I'm losing patience and don't know how to handle this situation.
Answer 2
Wa’alaykum assalam. Jazakum Allah khayr for reaching out.
Sharing a mutual religious orientation and practice is vital in a marriage, as it nurtures love, respect, and builds a strong foundation for the future. When couples don't share a common religious outlook, it affects the relationship and hinders individual spiritual growth.
To address this situation, consider the following steps:
1. Understand the underlying reasons: Gently discuss with your husband to identify what's holding him back from practicing his faith. Avoid confrontation and listen to his concerns. If needed, seek guidance from a reliable scholar or take courses together.
2. Communicate your feelings and expectations: Share your thoughts and feelings with your husband, emphasizing the importance of a faith-based marriage. Explain how his lack of practice affects your love and respect for him.
3. Assess the situation and consider your options: If your husband is unwilling to change or practice his faith, you may need to reevaluate the marriage and consider what you want for your future.
May Allah guide you through this challenging situation.
Question 3
I've been married for a year to someone who converted to Islam before our marriage. He promised to learn and practice Islam, but he hasn't made any effort. Now that I'm pregnant, I've become more devoted to my faith, and I want to raise our child as a Muslim. However, my husband seems uninterested in Islam, and I'm worried about the impact on our child. Is our marriage sinful, and how can I address this situation?
Answer 3
Thank you for sharing your concerns. I empathize with your pain and frustration. Your husband's lack of interest in Islam is indeed heartbreaking, especially considering your desire to raise your child as a Muslim.
Reassuringly, your marriage is not sinful as long as your husband hasn't recanted his Islam. If he were to do so, it would result in automatic divorce.
To address this situation, consider the following steps:
1. Continue practicing your faith: Maintain a strong connection with Allah by reading the Quran, praying, and paying zakat on time.
2. Seek guidance: Consult reliable local scholars for specific advice on your situation.
3. Be a supportive and loving wife: Sometimes, kindness, love, and respect can inspire your husband to reevaluate his commitment to Islam.
4. Raise your child as a Muslim: Focus on providing a strong Islamic foundation for your child, and consider taking a parenting class together.
5. Turn to Allah: Make du'a (prayer) to Allah, seeking His guidance and mercy in this challenging situation.
May Allah bring peace and harmony to your family, and guide your husband towards a stronger commitment to Islam.
Question 4
I've been married for over 20 years and have been a practicing Muslim. However, my husband has struggled with practicing Islam and has a marijuana addiction. We argue about his habits, and I'm torn between leaving him and staying patient, hoping he'll change. Should I stay quiet and have patience or consider divorce?
Answer 4
I empathize with your challenging situation. Being married to someone with a substance abuse problem can be frustrating and impact the entire family. May Allah guide your husband towards a positive change.
While there's no straightforward answer to your question, I'd like to share two stories that might offer some insight:
1. A story of patience and perseverance: A woman stayed with her non-practicing husband, continued to practice her faith, and encouraged him to pray. After 30 years, he started praying, and their marriage remained happy.
2. A story of seeking a new path: Another woman left her non-practicing husband during pregnancy, raised her son alone, and eventually remarried a practicing Muslim. Her older son later reconnected with his father and encouraged him to pray.
In both cases, the women remained committed to their faith and found happiness. I recommend:
1. Pray Istikhara: Seek Allah's guidance in making a decision.
2. Assess the impact: Consider how staying or leaving will affect you and your family.
3. Exhaust reconciliation efforts: Try therapy, marital counseling, and involve family and friends.
4. Seek professional help: Get your husband help for his addiction and consult local scholars for guidance.
May Allah guide you through this challenging situation.
Question 5
Assalam aleykum,
My husband and I are converts to Islam, but he's not practicing. He loves and supports me, ensuring I can practice freely and raise our kids as Muslims. What should I do?
Answer 5
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
May Allah reward you for reaching out. I pray this guidance brings you peace and clarity.
Understanding Your Situation
It's essential to acknowledge that your husband's lack of practice is a reality you must accept. You cannot force someone to change, but you can focus on nurturing your own faith and that of your children.
Marriage and Parenting
Consider enrolling in the "Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages" course to deepen your understanding of Islamic marriage principles. Reflect on the kind of father you want for your children. Do you want someone who will guide them spiritually and take them to the masjid, or someone who won't hinder their Islamic growth but won't contribute to it either?
Prayer and Guidance
Perform the Prayer of Guidance (up to 7 times) and the Prayer of Need, seeking Allah's guidance and wisdom. Take your time, and don't rush into decisions until your heart is at peace.
May Allah grant you the courage, wisdom, and patience to choose what pleases Him.
Question 6
I'm in a difficult situation and need help to protect my faith. I'm living in Saudi Arabia and have performed Hajj and Umrah multiple times, alhamdulillah. I married a man who converted from Hinduism to Islam, but he doesn't practice the faith, lies frequently, and doesn't take purity of mind and body seriously. I've tried to guide him, but he doesn't follow through. I'm feeling helpless and afraid of affecting my Imaan and Akhirah.
Answer 6
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Dear Sister,
We're sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It's essential to acknowledge that the manner in which you got married was incorrect, as you didn't seek the counsel and blessings of your seniors.
Key Takeaways:
1. Seek guidance from seniors: Approach your parents and explain the situation. They may be able to offer valuable advice and support.
2. Consult with Ulama: If needed, seek the guidance of local scholars who can provide advice on how to navigate this challenging situation.
3. Place reliance on Allah: Turn to Allah and make du'a for ease and guidance in overcoming these difficulties.
May Allah create ease from your difficulties and assist you in overcoming your challenges.
Question 7
Assallamualaikum,
I'm a convert, and my sister also converted to Islam but later revealed it was just to avoid bullying. My husband wants me to cut all ties with her, and his behavior has become aggressive. How can I explain to him that his attitude is Islamically wrong, and how do I deal with his anger?
Answer 7
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this guidance brings you peace and clarity.
Key Points:
1. Mercy towards non-Muslim family: Showing compassion and kindness to non-Muslim family members is crucial, as it may inspire them to embrace Islam.
2. Honour family ties: Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining family ties, even with non-Muslim or non-practicing relatives.
3. The role of the husband: A husband should nurture and respect his wife's opinions and intellect, rather than enforcing unreasonable rules.
4. Addressing anger issues: Suggest that your husband seek anger management classes or counseling to address his temper.
5. Marriage counseling: Consider seeking couples counseling to address the underlying issues and improve communication.
6. Seeking guidance: Turn to Allah in prayer, especially in the last third of the night, and seek guidance from scholars or counselors.
May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and guidance in navigating this challenging situation.
Question 8
My husband, a convert to Islam, and I married with my parents' blessings, but his parents were upset by his conversion. Despite my efforts, he hasn't practiced the basics of faith, and his behavior has caused arguments and bitterness. He's agreed to change, but will he follow through?
Answer 8
Thank you for sharing your concerns. I'm sorry you're experiencing difficulties in your marriage.
Key Considerations:
1. Lack of support in raising your child as a Muslim: Your husband's refusal to practice Islam may hinder your child's spiritual growth.
2. Addiction and abandonment issues: His history of drinking and abandoning you and your child raises concerns about his reliability and commitment.
3. Shirk and questionable faith: His failure to avoid shirk calls into question his commitment to Islam and the validity of your marriage.
4. Unstable financial situation: His lack of a steady job may create financial insecurity for your family.
Recommendations:
1. Pray the Prayer of Need and Istikhara: Seek Allah's guidance in making a decision.
2. Consult reliable local scholars: Discuss your situation with trusted scholars to gain a deeper understanding of your options.
3. Weigh the pros and cons: Create a list of positive and negative points to help you make an informed decision.
4. Consider marriage counseling: If you decide to stay, counseling can help improve communication and set goals and limits together.
May Allah strengthen you and guide you in making the best decision for yourself and your child.
Question 9
Assalam aleykum,
I'm a newlywed with no children, and I've noticed my husband is careless about prayer and reluctant to attend religious events. I've tried convincing him to join courses to improve our religious practices, but he's not interested. Should I stop convincing him and focus on my own deen?
Answer 9
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this guidance brings you peace and clarity.
Key Takeaways:
1. Lead by example: Maintain your own prayers, Qur'anic recitation, and community participation to bring barakah into your home.
2. Reassess expectations: Understand that you cannot force your husband to change, and focus on nurturing your own spiritual growth.
3. Improve your marriage: Work on building a stronger relationship with your husband, and try to appreciate his positive qualities.
4. Show empathy: Put yourself in your husband's shoes and try to understand what might inspire him to improve his religious practices.
5. Prayer and patience: Perform the Prayer of Need and ask Allah for wisdom, patience, and guidance.
May Allah grant you the courage and wisdom to gently guide your husband and nurture a stronger, more loving relationship.
Question 10
Salaam, I've been married for 4 years, but my husband doesn't pray and shows no interest in Islam. I'm scared to have children with a non-practicing father. Despite my efforts, he rarely prays, even missing Jumu'ah. Should I consider divorce?
Answer 10
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
A Muslim wife plays a significant role in reforming her husband. Before considering divorce, try the following:
1. Lovingly advise and encourage: Use various means to change your husband's behavior, but avoid being confrontational.
2. Seek advice from others: Encourage others to advise and support your husband in improving his practices.
3. Implement change gradually: Focus on gradual, positive changes, rather than expecting immediate results.
4. Consider a temporary separation: If necessary, consider a temporary separation to emphasize the importance of his spiritual growth.
Remember, divorce should be considered a last resort. The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, "In the sight of Allah, the worst of all halal acts is Talaq." (Sunan Ibn Majah)
May Allah guide you and your husband towards a more harmonious and spiritually fulfilling marriage.