Question 1
I am extremely confused and distressed about my current situation, and Shaytan is attacking me with thoughts that could harm my faith. I married a woman three years ago following the proper Islamic way. I performed Mashwera (consultation) and Istikhara (and experienced good dreams and felt at peace). However, despite this, our marriage ended within weeks as she turned out to be mentally unstable.
This year, I married again. I was even more cautious, performing Istikhara over an extended period, earnestly praying for Allah's guidance. I saw several positive dreams and even had them interpreted by a scholar who approved of the marriage. My elders also gave their approval. Despite all this, this second marriage also ended in a short time.
Why have both my marriages failed, even though I followed the Islamic guidance of Istikhara and Mashwera and felt content with my decisions? Please provide an answer to ease my mind, as I am losing hope, and Shaytan is making me doubt Allah's words and the Prophet’s teachings (Na'udhubillah). Please respond soon. JazakAllah. A distressed brother in need. [s.m.]
Answer 1
Question 2
This is very long, but I need your help as I am very worried. I am deeply in love with a girl from my university, and we both wish to get married. My family insisted on Istikhara, so we agreed to have it done by someone else, and the result was negative. It became very difficult for us to cope, and though we tried to maintain contact for a while, I eventually told her to move on. However, it was equally painful for me. One day, we decided to end all contact.
I began praying a lot and tried not to think about her. Despite my efforts, it was difficult, especially with my family pressuring me to move on. I found myself thinking about her without realizing it. I cried a lot and prayed for Allah's help. Confused, I sought advice from the imam of our masjid. I told him about the Istikhara and my struggles and asked if there was any way I could still marry her. The imam suggested that while following the Istikhara is preferable, if it was too difficult for me, I could perform Istikhara myself after a month or two. In the meantime, he advised me to do Astaghfar, engage in Zikr, and pray for Allah to make something bad for me (marrying her) into something good.
After this, I decided to change my life entirely. I knew I was not a good Muslim, so I eliminated anything that could invoke Allah’s anger and focused on actions that would please Him. I started praying five times a day in the masjid and abandoned anything I thought was wrong, including singing and playing the guitar. I began growing a beard and doing good deeds. Although my initial intention was to please Allah for the sake of my love for her, I soon realized that my devotion to Allah should be unconditional. I resolved to continue living this way regardless of whether Allah granted my prayer.
Months passed, and I kept praying for forgiveness and guidance. One day, my mother informed me that we were going for Umrah. I was surprised and overjoyed, as I was supposed to leave for a job in China that had been delayed. I decided to perform Istikhara on the last night in Makkah and prayed earnestly throughout Umrah, asking Allah to make the Istikhara come out positive.
On the final night, I performed Istikhara and dreamt that I was praying Salah. Feeling uncertain, I repeated the Istikhara upon returning home. In my second dream, I was with my little sister, moving up through passages in a tall building. I felt that I had to reach the girl I wanted to marry, who was near the top of the building. As we moved, I believed that facing a certain direction while praying would help me achieve my goal. I met my father, and we discussed constructing a door frame, mutually deciding on the material. Afterward, my sister and I continued upwards until I woke up feeling satisfied and at peace.
I shared the dream with the imam, who asked how I felt about it. I told him I felt good, and he assured me there was nothing negative in the dream. My father, however, suggested consulting a mufti for a clearer interpretation.
My question is: should we proceed with the marriage? I performed the Istikhara with a neutral mind and was ready to accept either outcome. I cannot go against Allah’s will, but I feel that after pleading, repenting, and praying so much, especially at the Kaaba, how could Allah reject my dua? Please help.
Answer 2
Question 3
Assalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
I was interested in marrying a brother, so I performed Istikhara. Initially, he expressed interest, but he suddenly stopped. Meanwhile, another brother proposed to me for marriage. I confessed my feelings to the first brother, who responded that he only sees me as a sister. Afterward, I performed Istikhara about whether I should marry the brother who proposed, but I dreamt of the first brother. Now I am torn between being realistic and this pressing feeling that Allah may have ordained something else for me.
Answer 3
Question 4
I have performed Istikhara 4 to 5 times regarding my marriage to the woman I love. Each time, I saw negative symbols in my dreams, like blood and dark water. Despite this, I feel that leaving her would not be good for either of us, as we have envisioned a future together. My family is also against the idea of this marriage. I am very confused and unable to make a decision. Please guide me.
Answer 4
Question 5
Assalamualaikum. My boyfriend and I have been in an intimate relationship for over two years, and we intended to marry. We performed Istikhara for guidance: I received a positive result, but he received a negative one. Additionally, his aunt had a dream she interpreted as negative, and his mother received no result. Due to this, his family is against sending a proposal, and we broke up two months ago. However, I don’t want to leave him. Please guide me on what to do.
Answer 5
Question 6
I have been speaking to a brother overseas for a year with the intention of marriage. We share similar interests, goals, and a commitment to deen, and I feel content with his character. We both prayed Istikhara and felt positive about proceeding. However, his visit has been delayed due to financial issues, being robbed, and other unexpected expenses. Should I consider these events as a sign to move on? Another brother from my community has also shown interest, and I am unsure about what to do.
Answer 6
Question 7
I received a marriage proposal from a religious and well-established man, and both families are satisfied. My parents have already agreed to the match before I performed Istikhara. After my Istikhara, I did not receive a clear result, but I developed a positive opinion about him despite not meeting him. Recently, I learned the proposal is delayed because his uncle is sick. Should I consider this delay a hindrance and ask my parents to reject the proposal?
Answer 7
Question 8
I have been separated from my husband for a year after nearly six years of marriage. We have three children together. I have a lot of resentment toward him and don’t want to return to the marriage, but he wants me back. I feel unhappy at the thought of reconciliation, yet I am concerned about disappointing my family. I have prayed Istikhara but still feel lost. What should I do?
Answer 8
Question 9
I want to marry someone, and we both agree on the decision. However, my parents want us to wait until I graduate in a year. The boy did Istikhara and had a dark dream where he saw that my family and I were unhappy with the marriage and didn’t attend their house. He now feels doubtful and thinks it may be a negative sign. He is still confused, but his doubts are affecting our plans. Should we consider this a sign against the marriage? Would it be better to revisit Istikhara after graduation?
Answer 9
Question 10
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah,I’m really upset. I have been doing Istikhara, and the person I want to marry has consulted two muftis and done Istikhara himself. We are still confused. We have known each other for four years, from college, and we both really want to get married with the permission of our parents. However, neither his mother nor my mother agree to the marriage. In his Istikhara, he saw a big black hole, and he was falling. I didn’t see any dream when I did Istikhara. My mother has given me time until August if he brings his parents for the proposal, but we are facing so many problems. We don’t want to give up and really want Allah’s Raza (pleasure) in our decision.
Answer 10